I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
its liver damage thursday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
