She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize