I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
