Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
