I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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