Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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