Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
