Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
