i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
