bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
