Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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