where am i from again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
