i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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