Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
