i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Is Oprah even human
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
