i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
