Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How does it feel to date your dad?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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