you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
