party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
