If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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