I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
