I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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