Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
