I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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