she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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