and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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