I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize