You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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