dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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