i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
