NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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