woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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