hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
