pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
