The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
