So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
