Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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