I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
