??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
