DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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