I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
