well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i believe in u and ur pee
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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