i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
