That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
