Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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