spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
