so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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