Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
