I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
