remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
