Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
