fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize