dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
