covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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