aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I just put wine in my tea
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
