She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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