I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
