Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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