My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
