Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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