I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
