so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
