I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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