Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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