Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
