I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
